I don't know - will he be interested? Anyway, my mind is filled with him during class. That idiot. Get out of my head! I think my brain and I have made a pact to not think of anyone, not even Shuwei, during this period of time. How can you just barge in like that? Sigh. If that is the case, I'll really stay away from him. Until after promos then say.

My mood is very very bad now. It has been deteriorating since the start of the year. My wish is to get out of this school quick, attaining good A level results. I hate the school. Don't really like the people either. Don't like the truth? Spam me, who cares. It is not like my life revolves around you people only.

My mother says that I should control my feelings, be positive.

I HATE THEM I HATE THEM I HATE THEM I HATE THEM I HATE THEM ALL. WHY ARE THEY SO HARD TO TALK TO? IT IS NOT LIKE I AM NOT TRYING.

ARGH. THEY ALL HAVE ATTITUDE PROBLEMS LA. THEY HAVE ALL GOT BONDS, SO WHAT? IF I DON'T SEE MY IMPORTANCE BY BEING THERE, THEN IT IS BETTER THAT I DON'T GO. DUH. I HAVE REALLY NOTHING TO TALK TO THEM. LET THEM GO AND SOCIALISE ALL AMONGST THEMSELVES. I DON'T CARE.

Argh. I hate it when everyone else is going and I can't. Why? Why? Why???

First it is because of a clash. Then it is because I am sick. And now, it is because of my parents. I can't go because of all my Us. And I can't appreciate the work of the organizer. And I know the feeling of no one coming to your event. Being in the YEC, organizing things, I know the busy feeling. I know. But I can't. Darn. I want to curse the world down. But I am not that kind of person. And I personally hate curses.

So with a slightly numb feeling in my heart, I typed out an sms and sent it to the outing's organizer. I sincerely hope that he can have fun along with those who are going. Without me. I think I know who he thinks the hypocrite is. But I can't tell him the truth can I? I don't want to be seen as one who is always restrained by my parents, even though I really am that kind of girl. I do hope he hates me. Someone hating you is a lot more easier to accept than someone never talking at all. And yea, I hope that during that outing he is paired with another girl. And I will slink back into the shadows and do my studying. I hate my life when I feel that I am a failure. Now, I fail at both studies and friendship.

No. I won't tell you all my problems face to face. Why should I? Shuwei is the only one who is able to accept me for who I am, no matter what I become. She, ironically, do not read blogs. I cannot keep secrets from her. For one simple reason: she can see through my every act. And for that, I give her my trust. How many people can you see who click so well that you know exactly what they are thinking? Shuwei and I kept saying same words at the same time. Do you do so with someone else?

I don't deny that I am on the prowl for friends. It has been since the start of the year. But I haven't found someone who is like Syafiqah or Shuwei in my class. I don't request for their personalities. I request for acceptance. I can make friends easily if I know for sure that you are interested in what I am going to share. I have been ignored for (god-knows) how many times this year - by my class only. I hit it off with a total stranger recently. Past, present, inspiration...told her everything. And she told me hers. And we can talk as well as how I talk to someone like Shuwei or Siya. And she exists in MJC. I have met a lot of people and they had never "dao-ed" me like my current class do. Of course, I know when I can get ignored, when it is time for talk and work.

Even today, Joshua and Zhi Wei just walked off without telling me that they are going for the chemistry thing. Ok. Do they hate me? Or did they just forget? So I've become a "forgetable". That might hurt a little, but if you want me to close my heart to all of you, I really can. I can carry out my duties as a treasurer, but other than that, I can be totally unlaughing. I have experienced worse experiences than this. So I know that I can achieve the ultimate solution of not getting hurt. The marginal benefit might not even cover the marginal cost. For now, I shall just laugh it off, no problem. But there is a line to this.

Will anyone notice if I am missing? With the exception of the girls...I think no one in the class will guess where I am correctly. With the exception of the girls, no one will ask me where I am either.

Nice going. It is eleven now. But yea, who knows, I might commit the same mistake as some people. And those who initially ignored me are really nice people I know. Why, is making friends so difficult? I think I am trying too hard now.

Life is so unfair. I should change my perspective on friends in the class. Now, listen up, people. If you don't really like me a lot, tell me. Don't ignore me for no reason. Then I can ignore you too and we'll not waste each other's time in bonding. Joshua is a pretty lost case now. I feel that I am making myself look stupid by trying to keep intiating conversation with him when he can do so himself. And as for the other guys, with the exception of Wei Xiang, Andrew, Alvin, Nic, Sidney, Chun Kiat maybe even Zhiwei, I think I have never had a real conversation with you before, online or otherwise.

And even for the people listed, I've never talked very much to them. Highest converstaion: Andrew, Nic and Alvin. And Sidney is because of project work.

Love is an amazing thing, really. The person you will be with in the future and who you think will be with you in the future is totally off. And you think back and you laugh about what you had experienced - a hectic love life coupled with a lot of spice. That is what makes me Flonnie, and what makes her Kingdom.

Kingdom thought that she'd end up with Lin Zheng Ying, then she switched modes and tried to make her acting look more real by pretending to like Shuwei. And when she does realise that she really did, she knew that she had a gender crisis. Then, after that, Sourcream came into play and cajouled her into giving up on the girl totally. Then finally, she came to fall back on her good friend Night. This girl is messed up, but Night is not really a girl or a guy in the first place. So that's not a problem. Now's my problem here. I'm now the one with the gender crisis, unfortunately.

I first am a single bachelor, single. Then I met Shuwei. Too bad, there isn't any chemistry between us except friends. Then I met Night and Kingdom. Ok, I thought Kingdom was a guy then, and Kingdom's character as a guy just doesn't appeal to me. Not my cup of tea. Night, however...is another story. She saved me from many many different obstacles. She was masquerading as a male too, but this kind of male is good, for a phenophilia of reasons that I cannot yet list. And then, Shuwei came into play. Night was finally revealed as her childhood friend. She, like Kingdom, isn't thinking like normal girls do. Girls simply do not like girls. Anyway, she came and snatched Night from me and then I am left with no purpose and no one to love. Sourcream was also rejected by Shuwei. Boys, similarly, do not like boys. But at that time of desolation and loneliness, we are drawn together like an Arrow to a Bow, Arrow to the Target. Being someone at the rejected end isn't feeling good, but being someone who is overtly popular isn't a good thing too...

Night is a girl in the previous world. Name: Jasmine. She buried that name and came up with a new one. Shuwei was a childhood friend. She gave up her eyes for her and then wham, she suicided. What a sad sad life. She awoke in the next world, revived as the elemental of the Dark. She first liked Kingdom (I'd say that she is messed up too, but she is a guy in her time in heaven), then when Shuwei came back, she definitely loved her. Kingdom liked her too. But after awhile, Kingdom liked Night, right? So jealousy reigned. Simple. And then Shuwei also liked Night back. For some reason unknown to me, Night finally chose...Kingdom. But she still flirts with Shuwei. Looks like she's got two willing and equal partners.

Shuwei is a ficle minded girl in my opinion. But I know that in her heart she only liked one person - Night. So from the start to the end, she was looking for her and loving her and such. No big deviation from the norm except for the standard: We are not homosexual thing.

Sourcream's sick in the mind. He always happened to take action at the wrong times. Telling Kingdom to give up on Shuwei is the last thing you could've done. And when being rejected by Shuwei doesn't feel good, you come crying to me.

Nya. Signed, Flonnie Magic. This blog entry is the last one until Jasmine finishes her promos. Let's see whether she'll mug or get on with it. Win: Mug throughout the holidays. Lose: Still Mug throughout the holidays with a drawing or two in between.

Chapter 22 - 28 : Vampire Slayer

Kingdom found her dead love's incarnation in the world she was in. As expected, he did not even know her. His name in this world is the same: Lin Zheng Ying. After a fateful encounter involving Vampires and candies, the two seem to keep bumping into one another. Kingdom wondered if she was taking the guy to be her past lover or himself. However, she hadn't time to ponder about it as Erana had played her hand against Flonnie again - this time hurting Sourcream. Fortunately, the injury isn't grave. Flonnie had to take some time to recover from the recent battle, resulting in a delay of Sourcream's injury from being fully healed.

Right after that, on her way to the mountains to find healing medicine, she found him unconscious in the forest. Jasmine immediately recognised him and asked Flonnie for a cure. Flonnie refused to heal him outright, not knowing who he is and what he could do when he wakes up. Jasmine then reiterated out Kingdom's love life in her previous world. The result: Zheng Ying died of liver cancer.

"To see a loved one die once is one thing, but to see someone die twice..."

Flonnie is left to come to terms with his conflicting thoughts and feelings.

Meanwhile, Kingdom stayed by Zheng Ying's side, not willing to leave him for more than half a step for fear that she will miss his last breath. She whispered painful wishes for him to recover and told him that she was happy enough to stay by his side for his second death. (She was absent for the first one due to Zheng Ying's strict orders to not let anyone see him.)

Flonnie leaned by the door frame and saw her actions. He pursed his lips and walked briskly away.

-

Sourcream woke up from his coma to see Flonnie handing him his medicine solemnly. Flonnie requested an odd thing from Sourcream - to keep Kingdom occupied for 2 hours. Sourcream agreed while thinking just how eccentric Flonnie is.

-

Sourcream managed to get Kingdom out of her room by raising a false alarm of battle to her only. After dragging her out, he made up lame excuses for her to go out with him. Shuwei later came out to see Kingdom being dragged away by a desperate Sourcream. She wondered what they were plotting together. One do not usually see Sourcream and Kingdom actually talk, as Sourcream is a man of few words and Kingdom is a woman of much unwarranted action. Granted, they were still able to stay on good terms with one another, but they do not know each other past their names.

Sourcream wondered why he was being ordered about by Flonnie in the first place. The wheels of fate have started to turn...

-

Flonnie drew a magic circle. He knew that lifting such a curse will have adverse effects on himself...but he had to do it. Otherwise, his conscience would never let him go.

-

Shuwei was suspicious. How could 2 people who hardly knew one another go out for so long? She threw the broom down and asked the wind to send the sun to tell the Night to come down. In a few minutes, a tired and grumpy Jasmine minced her way down the stairs.

Ignoring the sulky look on her face, Shuwei told her about the initial situation. Jasmine recognised the situation. "It is obvious that Sourcream wants Kingdom to leave. But why would a priest want someone he doesn't know to leave?"

-

Flonnie is getting dizzy. The mist is now turning into a heavy fog around him. His nose dripped dark drops of blood. He cannot breathe. Another ten minutes of purification...then this guy can live. Hopefully he can make someone happy.

-

Jasmine figured it out. If she is not wrong...

-

Flonnie fainted, wishing that he will never wake up again.

You are my sweet complete desire. I will give anything, just for one look at you.

Anyway. I decided to make the first volume overall. It will be called Vampire Expert.