Argh. I hate it when everyone else is going and I can't. Why? Why? Why???

First it is because of a clash. Then it is because I am sick. And now, it is because of my parents. I can't go because of all my Us. And I can't appreciate the work of the organizer. And I know the feeling of no one coming to your event. Being in the YEC, organizing things, I know the busy feeling. I know. But I can't. Darn. I want to curse the world down. But I am not that kind of person. And I personally hate curses.

So with a slightly numb feeling in my heart, I typed out an sms and sent it to the outing's organizer. I sincerely hope that he can have fun along with those who are going. Without me. I think I know who he thinks the hypocrite is. But I can't tell him the truth can I? I don't want to be seen as one who is always restrained by my parents, even though I really am that kind of girl. I do hope he hates me. Someone hating you is a lot more easier to accept than someone never talking at all. And yea, I hope that during that outing he is paired with another girl. And I will slink back into the shadows and do my studying. I hate my life when I feel that I am a failure. Now, I fail at both studies and friendship.